I fought as hard as I could today, but still lost!
Blog For Mental Health Campaign also has some great posts on this subject.
Some days I’m just so depressed that I fight very hard to make it stop.
It was just a dark day!
Today I fought very hard to feel better, but just never did. I tried having positive thoughts, and thinking of all my blessings, playing with my dogs, but nothing helped. I just felt like crying and sitting and doing nothing. To top it off, it was cloudy all day, which always makes my depression worse.
A Little Background -
I’ve had depression since I can remember. I’m pretty sure I had it even back in grade school. I remember just wanting to melt into the floor so the teacher wouldn’t call on me. I got made fun of by other kids and I just didn’t want to be noticed. As I look back I think it all started when my parents got divorced. I was 5. I’m not saying I blame them, at all, I just think that’s when it started.
So anyway, I’ve had depression a long time. Several years ago, my therapist diagnosed me with clinical depression. She put me on anti-depressants.(Prozac) The only time I haven’t been on them was when I was pregnant. I have 5 children.
Now I take Paxil. I don’t even remember when it was changed. I’ve been to several therapists. And the one I go to now, prescribes that. I also have bad anxiety, but I don’t take anything for that now. I used to take Xanax but I hated it, so I stopped.
I have really bad fatigue too. I fall asleep several times a day. I hate it so much! I’ll be sitting here typing, and I just can’t hold my eyes open. I have a hard time getting up and cleaning and cooking and everything. I do as little as possible each day. I mean, things get done, just not as much as I’d like.
I don’t even call my family members or friends because I don’t want to talk to anyone. Don’t get me wrong I love them very much and everything is good between us. We all live in different states and I barely get to see everyone. I’m lucky to see them at Christmas every year. I can’t explain why I don’t want to talk on the phone. I just get anxiety when I think about calling them or when the phone rings and I see it’s one of them. I almost always answer when they call me and I’m always so glad afterwards. I just don’t know why I can’t just call them!
It’s not just family members that I can’t talk to on the phone. If I have to call the Dr. to make an appointment or someone else for something, I just put if off until I just can’t wait any longer! I wish I knew what causes this.
If you think you might have depression, you should talk to a Dr. about it. The anti-depressants really do help. I think my dosage needs to be added to. Not getting help can be life threatening. Over one out of 10 people that have it, commit suicide.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:
1. Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
2. Fatigue and decreased energy
3. Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
4. Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
5. Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
6. Irritability, restlessness
7. Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
8. Overeating or appetite loss
9. Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
10. Persistent sad, anxious, or empty feelings
11. Thoughts of suicide, and attempts
Watch for more posts on this subject as the days go by.
If you have any thoughts about depression and anxiety, feel free to leave a comment. Or if you just need someone to talk to. I don’t feel that bad every day. Some days are just worse than others.
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